Subject: FW: Company Christmas Party

Subject: FW: Company Christmas Party
                                Bit long but funny , keep scrolling down (true! ...thanks Andy CHO)
 FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
 TO: All Employees
 DATE: October 1, 2012

 RE: Gala Christmas Party

 I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
 place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room
 at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
 We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing
along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa
Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts
among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be
over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.
This gathering is only for employees!

 Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

 Merry Christmas to you and your family,

 Patty

 Company Memo

 FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
 TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2012
RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which
 often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
 However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
 policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to
 those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas
 tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of
 music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

 Happy Holidays to you and your family,

 Patty

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
 TO: All Employees
 DATE: October 3, 2012
 RE: Holiday Party

 Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
 requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
 to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that
 reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed
 to handle this?

 Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed
since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the
 executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

 REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

 Company Memo
 FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
 To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2012
 

RE: Generic Holiday Party

 What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
 the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
 appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our
 Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on
serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything
 for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?


 Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
 from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest
 to the restrooms.

 Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
 with Gay men, each group will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

 To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks
 that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about
 confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

 Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

 I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in
 the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood
 pressure taste a bite first.

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but
 the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!

 Did I miss anything?!?!?

 Patty

 Company Memo

 FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

 TO: All Fucking Employees

 DATE: October 5, 2012

RE: The Fucking Holiday Party

 I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this
 party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
 quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put it, and you'll get your fucking salad bar, including
 organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They
 scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
 scream right NOW!

 The rest of you fucking wierdos can kiss my ass. I hope you all have a
 rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

 The Bitch from Hell!!!

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